Night

We woke up last night to a screaming Mia. I don't mean a crying very hard Mia, but a someone-is-trying- to-kill-me screaming Mia. I jumped up (and out of my skin) and picked her up, it seemed that somehow milk must have backed up into her nose and throat, and she couldn't breathe nor swallow. This continued for 15 minutes, whenever she tried to stop crying and swallow, it would start all over again. I held her vertically and rocked back and forth while she sat very still and screamed. It was a very different experience from her usual tummy ache cry, where all of her limbs wave about spastically in the air. She kind of just sat on my lap rigidly and screamed. I'm certain all parents have gone through this, but I couldn't stop crying while watching her scream in pain. Eventually she took the breast again, wimpered, sniffled, and fell back to sleep in her puddle of tears.

I, on the other hand, remained awake with a pounding heart for the next few hours. If this is how I react to a little reflux, how will I be able to handle her first teething experience, her first fall, first day of school, first heart break? And, to imagine parents who have lost their children, what insufferable anguish!

No doubt all parents have marched down this rite of passage before me, I salute to all mothers and fathers around the world. May courage continue to be with us and strengthen our hearts.