Wednesday, March 28, 2007

4 years

Happy Anniversary to my sweetie :)
May love grow stronger with all of our friends and those who are close to their heart.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


I've never seen a breast pump before; in fact, whenever people talk about breast pumps, a mixture of images between a bicycle tire pump and cow udders always come to mind. Well, I got mine in the mail yesterday, are you kidding me????

I guess I have yet to settle more into motherhood.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

First Load

Today I did my first load of laundry for the baby. At first, I was very touched and moved by how small and cute the clothes were, and how nice it was for so many people to love a person who has not been introduced to this world yet, then, at one point, while I was lining the little onesies and blankies to dry, it hit me: "who IS this person that I'm doing laundry for, and where did all these yellow and green clothes come FROM????" This must be what unconditional love is, loving someone without knowing or asking for anything in return, there is no expected 'result' of your love, one simply love for the sake of loving. So I continue to hang little sockies and tiny little pants which I've never seen before.

Report on 'movements':
I noticed a slight change in the movement from the inside: before, I felt the 'fluttery' type of water movements, such as a jiggly waterbed, or waterballoon. These days, the movements are more rhythmic, and instead of the soft, wobbly watery sensations, I can feel strong pushes and kicks, sometimes it even feels like 'bone structure' from within.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Pregnancy Log at 32 weeks

I´m at 32 weeks now, for those of you who have never been pregnant before (me included), it´s generally considered normal to start pushing them out between 37 to 40 (+) weeks. I've gained about 11 kilos since August, and am still at the same height as I always was. People are already offering bus seats to me, even with my big coat on, so I guess I' must be showing more than I thought.

Sleep has been a challenge. Don´t get me wrong, I sleep for many hours, but the tossing and turning take up most of the time. It´s hard to get comfortable, and turning in bed is now trickier than ever. The upside is that I can still feel when the baby´s moving, and ocassionally point out where his/her head is, and just the other day, I could feel the hiccups!! What I can't feel are my own organs: intestines, stomach, etc.

We have two more concerts left before I can relax completely, one happens this week (cello/piano), and the other one at 37th week, on April 16th (Brahms C Minor Quartet). At third trimester, playing the piano is definitely more challenging than playing the harpsichord, hand- crossing, pedaling and all big chords really have an added new dimension to them. There is simply not much room between my elbows and my stomach.

We have moved some furniture around, but since we plan to sleep with the baby for the first year, the house remains a total mess. It's hard to know what to do and what to expect, it feels like life size preparation should take place, but mysteriously, for someone whom I've never met. Emotionally, I'm a bag of slight anxiety, intrigue and loads of excitement. Skippy is under training to stay outside for the week, I'm glad we're not there to experience his insistent and castratic vocal display.

If anyone is interested, we are taking polls for the following:
name for the baby: boys and girls (looking for short names which go well with Cabestany)
gender of the baby: most people are guessing it's a boy, anyone guessing a girl?

For those of you who are interested, we have signed up for a baby registry:
click here

I will try to update more often from now until the due date (May 9th), take gentle care.

Friday, March 02, 2007

parenting and driving

It dawned on me that I've now tried twice to take my written driving test here in Spain, and miserably failed both times. In fact, what I thought was an improvement, the second test proved to result in more errors than the first one. Don't get me wrong, I've been driving since I was 16, but for some strange reason, Spain no longer acknowledges the validity of an US driver's license. It used to, I guess I missed that window of opportunity when I chose to swim across the pond. Anyway, today I realized that I am legally, in every way, able to bring a life into this world and shape it and mold it however I choose to, without having any official or expert certifiy or even check my (lack of) abilities to do so. I don't know anything about parenting, I am a lousy pet owner, I don't keep my house very clean, nor do I cook very well. I know love is an important and vital ingredient to parenting, and I'm hoping someone thinks I have some of it, but still, really?? they won't give me a license but they will let me have full control over a living being who is completely innocent and vulnerable?

Every parent starts off with the best of intentions. After all, imagine the high, and the responsibility that every momentary action you choose to take has lasting, and very often, irrevocable consequences: calling the doctor when the fever was already too high may cause brain damage, an occasional explosion of temper may imprint not only physical scars, but years down the line, physical memories of the shock that the nurturer whom the child trusted, could raise a hand against the child for absolutely no plausible reason except maybe being human. Yet, by the time we become adults, so many of us seek therapy to try to understand why our parents did what they did, and how we may HEAL ourselves from the process of growing up and maturing. What went wrong? They loved us, they are our parents. No parents will intentionally hurt their most cherished one, but some of our children will eventually talk to a stranger (expert) about all the terrible deeds we may have committed, either unconsciously or otherwise.

Again, I ask, they won't give me a license, but they will leave me alone with a baby?

It doesn't make any sense to me, but then, very few things do. Meanwhile, I continue to read about parenting and hope that at least some of it, will seep into my brain and become useful resources when baby #1 does something I don't know how to deal with. Come to think of it, I read a lot about traffic rules in Spain, too, but they haven't helped me in any way to pass my exam, twice.

Good faith, is what I have to go on...